Hero

“I guess we should begin with a little history lesson, just too clear things up. My father was a hero. And I’m not just saying that because I’m his son, and I look up to him. I mean he was a real hero. He saved lives. He defeated the bad guys, and he saved the day more times than he could count. But it wasn’t all just fame and fortune. In fact, no one in the general public even knows what he did for them. No one knows what he sacrificed. No one knows how many times he stopped people from dying. He always says its better this way. There’s no publicity and cameras. He can go about his life like a normal person now. Even if he still has his powers. He says he got everything out of life he could want so far. He has a family, the government pays for everything, and he has the satisfaction of knowing he helped change the world. If only I could have been more like him. If only I could have just been content with controlling my powers, and not so impatient. I only wanted to be like him. I only wanted to be a hero.”
“I have powers, but they are different than my father. We aren’t really sure what went wrong, since my sister’s powers seem more in line with his, but instead of fire, I use energy. You wouldn’t think it’s too big of a deal, since what’s the difference between a fireball and an energy blast, right? Well that would be the case, but I don’t create the energy, I absorb it. I take the energy from around me, pull it all in, and then I can use it. And there are so many technicalities. Too little energy, I can’t do anything. Too much energy and my cells will either burst or burn. We haven’t figured out which yet, and I’m ok with that. Either way, it takes time and concentration to absorb the energy. It’s as if nature knew giving me too much power right off the bat would be disastrous, so instead I have to earn it. Not like that changes anything about how I acted. In fact, none of this really matters, so I’ll just cut to the important part.”
“It was ten when my powers first manifested. I was 16 when it happened. That’s six years of training with them. You would think in six years I would have learned something from my father’s stories instead of just enjoying them and daydreaming about saving the world. But I didn’t and I made a terrible mistake. I thought I had a good handle on my powers. I thought I could do something other than just train with them. I thought I could be a hero, just like my father. But I was wrong. It happened in a city, and you can forget about asking which one, cuz there is no way I’m giving details. It was in a city, and I was jumping from rooftop to rooftop, just like in the comics I read. Looking back I am so embarrassed by how I acted, but I can’t change the past. It was on one particular rooftop, looking over a certain alley, that I heard the scream.”
“I will never forget the place. I will never forget the cold night air on my face, and the sounds of the city. The way my heart froze at that woman’s scream. I should have just left. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but everything would have been better off if I had just left that woman to her fate. I should have just walked away. But of course, that’s not what my father would have done. And that’s not how the superheroes from the comics and movies would have acted. They would have plunged headfirst into the alley, instinctively knew what was what, beat the bad guys, and saved that woman. That’s what would have happened in a movie. God I just wish this would have been a movie. That’s how I acted though, just like those fictional heroes. I brought a mask, cuz that’s what all the made up heroes wore. Not my father. He didn’t wear a mask, cuz he had nothing to hide. But on went my mask, and that’s where my life ended.”
“Headfirst into the fray I went. I can remember the scene perfectly. He had her up against the wall, about to help himself to her. The only light was coming from a streetlamp outside the alley. It was so dark; I couldn’t make out a face, or any details for that matter. If I could have, I might have seen the knife he had at her throat. I don’t know if that would have mattered to me at the moment. All I was concerned with was punishing him for hurting her. I’m not sure if I even said anything. I couldn’t make up my mind on a catch-phrase. Hell, I didn’t even have a costume. It was just my street clothes and a plain black face mask. Like the ones kids wear at Halloween. Yet there I was, jumping to the rescue of a woman I didn’t know, about to beat up a criminal, just like the comics. Too bad in the comics, the good guy always wins.”
“So without thinking, I ran straight into the assailant. ‘Without thinking’ could pretty much sum up the entire night, even though I spent months planning this. It’s amazing how much planning and decision making you can do, without putting a single thought into the whole thing. Anyway, I tackled the man, which knocked him off her and into a dumpster. He got back up and I, once again without thinking, used my powers and blasted him with energy. This was a horrible mistake, one of many, since he flew out of the alley into the city street. Even in this busy city, a man flying out of an alley attracts some attention. But I wasn’t concerned with him anymore. I had defeated the bad guy and saved the day. Turning around I said something like, “You’re safe now, ma’am” or something stupid like that. That’s when I saw what I really did. That’s when I saw she was dead.”
“Remember that knife I mentioned earlier? The one I didn’t take notice to? The one that was held to her throat? So close to her throat, in fact, that when I ran into the man, his hand slipped. Instead of the knife falling to the ground, as would have happened in every freaking movie and comic in the world, the knife slipped into her throat. It was such a clean cut; you wouldn’t even have known it was by accident. But this wasn’t by accident. This was a mistake made by me, because I was too impatient to just wait until I was ready for something like this. So there I was, standing over the body of this woman, who was dead because of me. True, she was about to be raped, and he could have very well killed her anyway, but it wasn’t his fault. He had the knife to her throat, but I moved his hand.”
“I freaked. I didn’t know what to do. I started to cry, and it was at this point that the crowd, drawn from the man flying form the alley because of me began to come into the alley. The cops arrived at this point, and I just ran. Such a hero-like maneuver. I ran like a scared little boy because that’s what I was. I had just caused a murder to take place. No. I just committed a murder. And instead of standing there and explaining myself, I ran away. A couple blocks away, I jumped into a dumpster. I’m not sure how long I was there, but it was the first of many nights were I cried myself to sleep. I cried cuz I killed that woman. I cried cuz I failed at being a hero. I can never be like my father now. Not after what happened that night. I knew right then and there I can never be a real hero.”
“When I woke up, I went back to the alley. Who knows why, but I needed to see what happened. I guess it was to make sure I didn’t dream it up. Maybe it was to punish me more. I don’t know why, but when I got there the place was taped off. The police told me that a woman was killed last night by a burglar while he was trying to rape her. So that was the story. No one even knew I was there. You would think that would have helped. But it didn’t, and it still doesn’t. You don’t know how much I just wanted to grab that cop and shout “I did it! I killed her!” But I just walked away. Just like I did the night before. I left and came home; something that woman will never get to do anymore. I never even got her name. I couldn’t find it on the internet. I searched for hours, but I couldn’t find it. As if it didn’t happen. But it did, and her blood will forever be on my hands. The next day I burned all my comics. I have never watched another superhero movie since without feeling ashamed. And I started training even harder with my abilities. Night and day, and I’m still training. I will never use them again until I have complete control. I will never allow myself to be foolish enough to think I can save a person’s life without there being consequences. I will never play hero again.”