Porcupine Dance

Here's a video of a cute porcupine dancing!

Damn it Feels Good to be a Gamer

Check it! Got my homies and my boys hangin’ out in my basement,
Crankin’ out some Mario Kart for the first place we’re chasin.
After that we’ll put it in and play some Super Smash Bros.
But there’s five of us here? It’s cool the loser will go.
We’ll play all night long until the sun rises.
By playing so long we might unlock some surprises!

Damn it feels good to be a gamer,
Although the girls say my life can’t get any lamer.
But they’re not the ones poppin’ caps in the asses
Of 40 year old guys who pretend to be lasses.
Oops, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend,
But I couldn’t help but notice you can’t beat level 10.
Maybe if you let me help you out for a bit,
You can see why my guild refers to me as the shit.
Give me a controller or a mouse it doesn’t matter to me,
Cuz when it comes to schooling noobs it’s like my college degree!

Put the game in and I’ll never surrender.
Back in high school all the nerds used to call me ‘Game Ender’.
I got a huge collection, want a game and I’ll lend ya.
Just be careful with the discs I don’t want you to bend ‘em.
I got a Mario and a Sonic and a Pacman and a Link
And a collector’s edition where Master Chief wears pink.

Damn it feels good to be a gamer,
Although the girls say my life can’t get any lamer.
But they’re not the ones poppin’ caps in the asses
Of 40 year old guys who pretend to be lasses.
Oops, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend,
But I couldn’t help but notice you can’t beat level 10.
Maybe if you let me help you out for a bit,
You can see why my guild refers to me as the shit.
Give me a controller or a mouse it doesn’t matter to me,
Cuz when it comes to schooling noobs it’s like my college degree!

It’s a tough life but someone’s gotta do it.
When the world needs saving, the gamers get to it.
We rescue the princesses and take out the villains,
As the minions get in our way it’s their lives we be killin’.
We hold the all records, nobody’s higher or faster.
The one goal we all have is to be the Game Master!

Damn it feels good to be a gamer,
Although the girls say my life can’t get any lamer.
But they’re not the ones poppin’ caps in the asses
Of 40 year old guys who pretend to be lasses.
This is the last time I’m spittin’ it so you better listen up!
Even though we’re weak in real life in the games we are rough!
I don’t know what else to say, any more words would just be samer,
Ain’t nothing better in this world than being a motherfuckin’ gamer!

5 Ways I Make Myself Happy (That You Can Do, Too!)

Aahh, you gotta love those days where you wanna tear an arm off of your coworker and beat them to death with it. Those days when even hearing a baby's laughter can make you cry. Being depressed makes the sun turn off and the birds go mute. So here are some actions I have found that lift my spirits and make me love thy neighbors once more.

5. Smile
You might think it’s the happy that comes before the smile, but you are mistaken, my friend (kinda). I want you to smile. Right now. Feel anything? Keep doing it. Chances are, if you can maintain that smile, you will feel happier. Why? It’s probably some subconscious thing that does something with the chemicals in our brain. Or it could just be that the smile comes before the happy. Either way, your day will be a tad bit brighter if you start and end the day with a smile. The whole world just seems funnier and happier when you are smiling like a fool. So smile. Now doesn’t that just make you feel a little better?

4. Hug Something
So you’re having a rough day. The customers are extra-special, your boss is extra-boss like, or you just have a case of the frowns. Either way, nothing beats a good hug when you’re feeling blue. That feeling that you’re not alone. That feeling that somebody is there for you no matter what goes down. It just can’t be beat. But what if you don’t have anyone to hug, or the people around you are anti-hug? Well, just go find the closest inanimate object to hug. Objects never object to hugs. And remember, the softer the better! All the babies are doing it, so why can’t you?

3. Daydream
Stay with me on this one. A horrible day is basically created because reality sucks. No one is arguing that. The best way to combat reality is to ignore it. Go find some place you can just space out and commence the perfect situation. While this won’t actually help your predicament, it can give you a slight boost, and allow you to cool off a bit. Cause it’s hard to be angry when anything you want is at your fingertips, and all those people that brought you down can be punished in any way your sick little mind can conceive. You want the perfect job? Done. You want to be a rock star putting on the best damn concert ever? Go for it. You want super powers? Have fun, just don’t try to fly when you snap back to reality.

2. Sing and Dance
While it’s true you might be more inclined to do this when you’re already happy, that doesn’t mean it won’t help you become happy. Go ahead and try to be angry while dancing around the room to your favorite music. It’s a lot tougher than you think. And if you don’t listen to music that can be danced to, then go find some that you can deal with. Listen to it enough, and soon you’ll love it just as much as your screamo-death metal. Dancing around gets your body moving, and takes your mind off of whatever it is that depressed you in the first place. Singing along to the music also helps if you are somewhere like a car and can’t get up and dance. Just listening to music is another option, but if you want the full effect, you will have to at least tap your foot or finger drum. Air guitars are optional but totally encouraged.

1. Laugh at Someone
As horrible as this sounds, I have never laughed at someone and found myself not in a better mood. It’s just human nature, hence why comedy has been popular since the first caveman tripped and fell on his face in front of his buddies. Nowadays, you don’t even need to sit outside waiting for some idiot to come along (although seeing it in person does add some value). The internet can deliver prime stupidity within seconds, and quicker laughs equals quicker happiness. So go ahead, laugh your ass off at someone else’s expense, because I guarantee you they will be doing it to make themselves feel better. Just make sure you can laugh at yourself, because at some point everyone else will be. Laughing at people is a vicious cycle, but it’s one that brings loads of laughs to brighten your day.

9 Blood-Boiling Actions People Do at the Drive-Thru

Fast Food Drive-Thru. It's something we all experience in life. And there should probably be a course on it in high school, especially since there seem to be so many people who don't know what the hell they are doing once they get there.

9. Not Knowing What You Want
Fast Food restaurants are not that complicated. It’s pretty much split up into a certain food theme, with very few over-lapping. If you go to McDonalds, you get a burger or chicken sandwich/fingers. KFC is chicken. Wendy’s is crap burgers. Burger King is…ok yeah you get it. So seriously, you have to have some idea of what you want, right? Is this your first time here? We know it’s not since we’ve seen you before. So then why does it take you 5 minutes to decide what you want? Did you know what you wanted, but that big bad menu board killed your confidence and now you have to look over the whole thing, just to decide on exactly what you wanted in the first place? If you don’t know what you want, here’s an idea: how about you park your car, and then walk your fat ass inside to gawk at the menu board. The drive-thru is for fast service, which doesn’t quite work when everyone ‘needs a minute’ to decide what they want.

8. Waiting until You get to the Window to Order More Food
What, you didn’t order enough? In that wave of ordering the food for the small army you have waiting at home, you forgot what you wanted, because you need something smaller/healthier than the food you’re feeding them? Did you forget a diet drink to go with that artery-clogging fried double meat-cheese-bacon-hold-the-healthy-stuff sandwich? Fine, we can do that (it won’t be with a smile), but it’s just slowing things down more, which always leads to more bitching. Just don’t let the bitching come from you.

7. Not Pulling Up Close Enough to the Window
This isn’t so much angering as it is annoying. It’s one thing to pull too close (that’s a little creepy), but if the cashier needs someone to hold their feet while they lean out the window to get your money because you parked 5 feet away, you might need some practice driving. So please, if you can’t pull your car close enough to the window to give the cashier your money without them falling out the window to get it, park in the lot (a space would be asking too much) and come inside.

6. Pulling Away from the Speaker Box Without Your Total
Ok, now you’re just being a dick. It’s our job to take your order and give you the total, because it makes it so much easier to collect the money if you know what it is and have it ready (see below for more on that). So if you pull ahead without hearing you’re total, we take it as you already know it, so we expect you to have the money ready. I mean, if that’s not true, then I will be happy to believe you do not care about money, and are willing to pay any amount of money for this food, with me adding a bit for being such a great order taker.

5. Not Having Your Money Ready When You Get to the Window
So let’s say you stayed at the speaker box to hear your total, and pulled close enough to the window to save the cashier stretch marks. Congrats! You passed level one. Now the real test. Do you have your money ready? No? Well, why the hell not? You heard your total at the speaker box. You didn’t have enough time you say? Well, if you had to wait for the person in front of you, that’s bull shit and you know it. But fine, we’ll say there was no one in front of you. You knew you were coming to a fast food drive-thru right? Shouldn’t it have clicked that eventually you would need to pay? At some point in the ordering, it’s not an impossible feat to pull your wallet out and be ready for the inevitable. Not having your money ready just slows us down, which slows you down, which you then bitch about, even though it was your fault to begin with.

4. Controlling the Volume of Your Voice
You’re not 2 years old. You have been living long enough to know how to use a basic function of life, your voice. And you know that using said voice requires you to adjust its volume every once in a while. You’re not in church anymore, old lady, you can speak above a whisper. And you, mister I-can’t-hear-anything-since-I’m-too-old, just because you can’t hear doesn’t mean you need to scream into the box. Please, I would like to maintain whatever hearing I have left, and going from having to strain to hear one order to holding the head set away from my ears for the next is slowly making me deaf.

3. Ordering from the Passenger Seat
Speaking of voice volumes, I would love to hear the reasoning behind this little phenomenon. Is the driver a mute? Or is he (I say he because it’s usually the woman ordering from the passenger seat with the man driving) to stupid to know how to do anything but drive? Why in God’s name would you think we can hear you from the passenger seat, when half the time we can’t hear you from the driver seat? I’m sure the explanation will make me want to put a gun to my head, so don’t answer. Instead, how about next time just tell the driver what you want? Or how about you drive, since apparently you have control issues if you can’t let someone order for you. One last thing, if you do this, and we can’t hear you, it’s not our fault. So if you’re the driver in this situation, please don’t yell as loud as you can into the box after the third “what?”, thinking we are the idiots.

2. Talking on Your Cell Phone
This should be a no brainer, right? I mean, you drove hear just to talk to us to get food. What happened, did you get lonely on the way here, and now you’re in such a heated debate about the meaning of life that you cannot possibly tear yourself away from your conversation for 2 minutes while you order food (you know, the whole reason you came here in the first place)? Talking on your phone causes so much confusion. Are you talking to us? Are you talking to them? Are you talking to us for them? Are you ignoring everyone and talking to yourself? And oh, here’s the icing on the cake. You pull up, and we answer you, just waiting to take your order, since taking orders is the reason for our being for 5 hours a day. And what happens? You tell us to…wait for it…Hold. On. !@&$ You son of a-

1. Not Telling Us You Have a Coupon
This is the ultimate attack the customers have against us poor fast food grunts. Let’s get one thing straight: there are a million coupons out there that you could have. There is no possible way for us to know exactly what coupon you have. So just ordering from the coupon, without telling us you have the coupon, is the most dumbshit thing you can possibly do. Well no, that’s a lie. The most dumbshit thing you can do is not tell us, then proceed to get mad when we didn’t know you had a coupon. Trust me, I would love to be able to read your mind (that’s another lie, because I’ve known dogs who are smarter than most people), but truth be told if I could do that I wouldn’t be slaving away working in the fast food business. I’d be saving the world, most likely from idiots like you.

Top Ten Most Badass Villains in Marvel Comics

I have always been impressed by a villain that went above and beyond the average 'beat em up, then get beat up and lose' formula. I love the villains that, even though they lose, they leave a deep scar on the good guys that have consequences in the future. I love a good badass villain. So here is my list of the Top Ten Most Badass Villains in Marvel Comics!

Number 10 – Red Skull
Arch Nemesis – Captain America
Badassery – The Red Skull helped kill Captain America. Just let that sink in. He killed the man who embodied the American Spirit, the American courage and power, the man who wore the red, white and blue. And he did it by brainwashing Cap’s girlfriend into shooting him in the gut without her even knowing she was doing it, and then returned those memories to her after Cap was pronounced dead. If that doesn’t earn him a spot on this list, I’m not sure what does.


Number 9 – Galactus
Arch Nemesis – Fantastic Four
Badassery – Galactus eats planets. He doesn’t just travel to them, kill everyone, and then leaves. He travels there, kills everyone, then turns the planet into energy and eats it. Plus, he is the sole survivor of the universe that came before ours, putting him on a power level equal to the Phoenix. You know, the Phoenix Force that can alter reality with a thought. Yeah, he’s equal to that. Did I mention he eats planets as well?


Number 8 – Loki
Arch Nemesis – Thor
Badassery – Norse lore states that one day, the Norse heaven called Asgard will be plunged into chaos and war, resulting in the obliteration of all that we know. This is called Ragnarok. Loki was successful in bringing about Ragnarok. He is also responsible for creating the Avengers. He has tested Thor, his half-brother, countless times, both physically and mentally. He is also now in the body of a woman. Loki is the god of mischief and trickery, and he is very good at what he does.


Number 7 – Venom
Arch Nemesis – Spider-Man
Badassery – Venom is a badass because he doesn’t see himself as a villain. He is, in his eyes, a protector of the pure and innocent. It just so happens that he doesn’t see many pure and innocent people around. Oh, but that was when Eddie Brock was Venom. Now that the former villain Scorpion is the new Venom, Venom goes around eating people. Plus he was, for a time, posing as Spider-Man. While eating people. That makes him badass at heart, and he looks cool doing it.


Number 6 – Juggernaut
Arch Nemesis – anyone who ticks him off
Badassery – The Juggernaut cannot be stopped. No, like seriously. He once fought this guy, who incinerated everything but Juggernaut’s bones and helmet, and Jugs still kicked his ass. He really cannot be stopped. Oh sure, sometimes it looks like Jugs was stopped, but in reality the comic writers had to put in those times to make it look like the heroes won. The Juggernaut always comes back, because nothing, not even the writers, can stop the Juggernaut.


Number 5 – Apocalypse
Arch Nemesis – The X-Men
Badassery – There is a whole universe where Apocalypse enslaved the Earth. It’s called Age of Apocalypse. He is immortal, crazy powerful, has fought Dracula, and can shape-shift and give himself nearly any power. I really have a hard time believing it when the X-men beat him, but hey, they heroes have to win, I guess. Apocalypse comes complete with his four horsemen, War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death, and he commonly enslaves members of the X-Men to fulfill these roles, turning them on their former friends. His motto is Survival of the Fittest, which is pretty cool, but when backed by your name being Apocalypse, you’re pretty badass.


Number 4 – Magneto
Arch Nemesis – Professor Xavier
Badassery – Magneto has a love/hate relationship with the X-Men. He has been both their most persistent foe and leader in the past. In a sense, he really isn’t a villain, and all he wants is for the human race to submit to mutantkind, and allow them to take their rightful place as the next evolutionary step. Heck, he’ll even settle for getting his own island, which he did, right before it was annihilated by Sentinels. His whole badassery comes from the fact that you never really know what he is planning next. He might be your ally one moment, then your greatest enemy the next. All that and he wears a cape.


Number 3 – Thanos
Arch Nemesis – Death
Badassery – You have probably never heard of Thanos, so basically all you need to know is that he is in love with Death. Not the act of killing, but the physical embodiment of Death. Apparently he saw Death embodied as a beautiful woman, and ever since then has been trying to win her affection. In order to do that, he used an extremely powerful artifact to kill half of all the living things in the universe, at one time. He also captured and killed the Silver Surfer, then offered him as a gift to Death. Oh, but wouldn’t you know it? He revived the Surfer in front of Death just to spite her since she didn’t love him. So she made him immortal, and now he can never feel her embrace. Wait a minute. He killed HALF OF ALL LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE, in one moment. But at least he did it in the name of love.


Number 2 – Dr. Doom
Arch Nemesis – Mr. Fantastic
Badassery – Dr. Doom is one of the most powerful characters in the entire marvel universe. He is one of the top sorcerers, one of the top geniuses, and one of the top inventors. But his badassery comes from what he does to the Fantastic Four. For instance, Doom loves to use the FF’s children against them, whether as conduits for attacks, or traumatizing them. For all he has done, Doom was cast into Hell recently. But you think that would keep him down? Hell no. Doom hitched a ride on Thor’s mighty hammer Mjolnir and made it back to the world of the living. He has defeated the FF many times, is the Monarch of Latveria for life, and was almost chosen to be Sorcerer Supreme of the universe. That’s a full plate of badass accomplishments!


Number 1 – Green Goblin
Arch Nemesis – Spider-Man
Badassery – If being a badass means messing with your arch nemesis’s head, screwing with his life as much as possible, and loving every second of it, then nobody beats the Green Goblin. Let’s recap. Peter (Spider-Man’s actual name) is dating Gwen Stacy. Norman (Goblin’s actual name) seduces her, impregnates her, she gives birth to twins in France so Peter doesn’t know, then the Goblin throws her off a bridge, killing her in front of Spider-Man. Years later, the twins (brainwashed by Norman) torment Peter physically and mentally because they believe he killed their mother. Next, Norman messes with Harry, his son and Peter’s best friend, turning Harry into the second Green Goblin, who tortures and battles Spider-Man when Norman is thought to be dead. Then, out of a ridiculous set of events, Norman becomes the most powerful, influential, and important man on the planet, and begins to use his unlimited resources to hunt down Spider-Man, as well as all the other heroes. And those are just some of the wonderful moments that the Green Goblin has given Spider-Man over the years. Such an evil, diabolical, and, dare I say it, badass villain.

Unwritten Laws of a Fast Food Restaurant

So I was thinking the other day, aren't there things that happen at work that always happen? Kinda like the underlying mechanics behind the place. Without these things, the workplace would just run too smoothly, and everyone knows we can't have that. These are not complaints. These are observations from working in fast food for a long time. Anyway, here is a list of little things that you can pretty much count on happening.

1. If there is enough of a product, nobody wants it. If we don't have something, everyone wants it.
2. The fryers only break on days we really need them.
3. If it is dead and people go home early, it will get busy.
4. The tongs are never where you need them.
5. There are never enough towels.
6. You will only be put as order taker on the days you are sick/unshaven/angry.
7. It's never busy on a certain day. Until you work that day.
8. The coupon is never in programmed in the register. When it finally is, it's expired.
9. The menu is constantly changing, therefore only those who work 8 days a week can memorize it.
10. The sink eats scoops.
11. New day, new broken appliance.
12. By the time you remember we have a special, we don't have it anymore.
13. You touch something and it burns you. Two seconds later someone else touches it, it's cold.
14. Arrive on time, there are no customers for an hour. Arrive 5 minutes late, the place is packed.
15. It might not be windy outside, but open up the drive-thru window and get hit by a tornado.
16. Within 15 minutes after the top of every hour we will get customers.
17. If it is the last of something, you are bound to drop it.
18. If you turn up the volume to hear a quiet customer, the next customer will yell into the speaker.
19. Whether you stand around before or after close, the time we get out will always be the same.
20. For every one good customer that you like, there will be five that don't speak English.
21. Without a doubt, someone will pay you in all change when you have the least amount of time or nerves to count it.
22. The inconvenience of a product has a positive relationship to its popularity.
23. The more you like someone outside of work, the more you can't stand them in work.